Mr. and Mrs. Kraus Blog

The Seattle Supersonics have been stolen.  Two main events occurred to send a historic NBA franchise from Seattle to the outpost American city of Oklahoma City:

1.  Hurricane Katrina ravaged the city of New Orleans leaving people without homes, a city full of wreckage, and not much time to follow a mediocre NBA team.

2.  The Sonics’ Starbucks owner sold the Sonics to an Oklahoman-based group who (shockingly) wanted to move said team to their home base.

The new ownership group went through the song-and-dance of pretending to stay in Seattle, but only if the public would fund a new arena.  The same public that helped build a stadium for the Seahawks, a stadium for the Mariners, and renovated the home of the Sonics, Key Arena, not too long ago.  The NBA and its commissioner stood by and watched as Seattle was held hostage for their team, but really had no chance in the first place.  The NBA allowed a team to get moved from a top-15 market, to a market somewhere around 50.  No word on if that includes cattle or not.

Proponents of the move point back to the Katrina incident, where Oklahoma City stepped up and housed the homeless Hornets until they could return to New Orleans.  The league and members of the media were shocked at how much support OKC showed the Hornets, and were quite impressed by the attendance numbers for the games.  I guess these same people are amazed when the traveling circus visits small towns in the South and the entire population shows up.  When there is nothing else to do, people will always show their support.  Before the Sonics were stolen, the state of Oklahoma had no professional sports team.  They have had some solid college football over the years, but pro sports are on another level.  Of course the people showed up in waves!  This was their chance to shine, and their chance to see professional sports.  A simple comparison would be to Alabama football.  When you spend no money or schools, buildings, or other important things, it’s easy to devote time, money, and effort to something.  Especially when it’s the only thing possible to do.

So it’s official; the Sonics are moving and there is nothing anyone can do about it.  The NBA decided the official team name, logo, and colors will stay behind in Seattle—apparently because they will eventually get another team back.  Maybe once the OKC team goes through some rebuilding years in 7-8 years and people aren’t really that pumped about their team anymore, then Seattle can get their team back.  Since they had no name, they needed a new one.  So the team hired some advertising/marketing wizards to come up with 4 finalists that would be voted upon.  It would have been truly amazing to see into their boardroom as they came up with the finalists:

- Barons
- Outlaws
- Thunderbirds
- Thunder
Seriously, those were it.  I can just picture the ad gurus trying to come up with a name that combines edginess, street cred, cool factor, “it” factor, and overall awesomeness.  Let’s start with Barons.  Can you really name a team after a current popular player in the league?  Baron Davis may only play 5-8 more years, but his beard will live on forever.  I’m sure they were trying to connect to oil barons, but it just doesn’t work with a popular player around.  Next is the Outlaws.  It’s actually kinda catchy, if you were naming an Arena Football team.  The two O’s might go together nicely, but it also beckons back to how your town stole the team.  Maybe not the best approach.  Third, is the Thunderbirds.  Is it the car, a state bird, something else equally ridiculous?  Next thing you know it’s shortened to T-Birds because Oklahoma City Thunderbirds is somewhere around 28 syllables.  We really don’t need T-wolves AND T-birds.  Lastly, just the Thunder.  Maybe a memo about the Thunderbirds got cut short, or maybe they were just lazy.  And after the fans voted, Thunder is the new name.  They went for the sound that goes with Lightning.  The team went from Supersonics to just a noise that can be heard everywhere.  Welcome to the Thunderdome folks!!  Check out our cheerleader Thundercats and wave your Thundersticks at every time out!  People in Seattle might get back into grunge.

Andrew Kraus NBA

This is the first year of the Tampa Bay Rays.  Before that, they have been known as the Tampa Bay Devil Rays since their inception in 1998 and have finished in last place every season except for one (they vaulted to fourth place out of 5 in 2004).  This year, however, they have become enthralled in a pennant race with the defending-champion Boston Red Sox.  Yankees?  Dead.  Orioles?  Dead.  Blue Jays?  Dead.  It appears as if this is a two-team race in the second half of the season between the Red Sox and the Devil—-err, Rays.  As Charlie would say, “What is goin’ onnnnn in here?”

Could the simple removal of the word “Devil” spring the Rays to the top of the division?  Does Jesus really care about baseball?  I know he cares about getting people into the end zone, because guys ALWAYS thank him there.  He also seems to get mucho respect in post game interviews.  Maybe there is something to this.  Could Jeebus be involved as well?  That seems like quite a stretch.  Let’s stick to this devil idea.

Clearly the people in charge of this organization have no clue how to name anything.  First of all, Tampa Bay is not even a city.  I realize it is describing the area of Tampa, St. Petersburg, etc., but teams are not areas—they are cities.  There is a reason it is not the South Beach Heat, the North Side Cubs, or the Redneck Volunteers.  Green Bay is an actual city; Tampa Bay is not.  Then we move on to the Devil Rays part of the name.  Let’s say you own a baseball team.  Good stuff.  Let’s also say this team is located in an area of 90% old people (yes, I looked it up and that is an actual statistic).  What name would most attract them?  Satan?  You read my mind.  Besides driving slow and out-of-control, there is nothing elderly people like more than the King of Darkness.  We could have used Sting Rays, Manta Rays, or just plain Rays to begin with, but we need butts in the seats people!  If I seriously owned the team I probably would have just gone with the St. Pete Shuffleboarders.  OK, so let’s recap:
•    Confusing geographical name:  Check!
•    Satanical reference for no reason:  Check!
•    Nothing to draw in snow birds, New Englanders, etc.:  Check!
Let’s Play!

Alright, so Tampa Bay exorcised the devil and now is playing superb baseball.  It is probably the only logical reason anyone could find.  It more than likely has nothing to do with getting the #1 draft pick for 17 straight years, finally getting a front office that knew what they were doing (05-06), and re-signing key young players for the future.  Nope, I’m sticking with my theory.

In closing, the new nickname Rays was explained by Tampa Bay owner Stuart Sternberg, “A beacon that radiates throughout Tampa Bay and across the entire state of Florida.”  I’m sure with Stewie at the helm, it will be smooth sailing for the Rays for decades to come.

Comments from old site:

Written by John
Posted: Wednesday, July 2, 2008 at 12:18 PM

Your message is like crack in written form. I think you should go pro. I like you, you’re crazy. I look forward to hawaiifying your wedding.

Written by Chad
Posted: Tuesday, July 1, 2008 at 5:34 PM

You said, “teams are not areas—they are cities”. I would say cities and states. You should know this because you live in Minnesota! Every team is the Minnesota ______.

Overall a very entertaining article. I found the references to old people in Florida (hey… Florida Marlins) very entertaining. Especially since I lived through it for almost 4 years.

Speaking of states that old people retire to… Arizona Diamondbacks!

It seems like every year there is a team that used to consistently suck big time, that all of a sudden kicks major arse. Then all the sports people say, “This team is for real!” Maybe the Rays of Light will be in the hunt for years to come… but they always say that too. Usually they miss the playoffs by 1 game and say, “Great season.”

Andrew Kraus MLB

Orange juice and mayonnaise.  A popular and trendy drink all the rage with the kids?  Perhaps.  But the ingredients I am referring to could have changed the fortunes of one of the most tortured in all of sports, the Minnesota Timberwolves.  O.J. Mayo is one of the best talents in this years NBA draft.  If he really tries in the NBA, he has the talents to be a superstar.  The Minnesota franchise drafted him, then sent him packing to Memphis for their man-crush Kevin Love.  And once again, McHale has drafted possibly the best player in the draft or for his team (see Allen, Ray or Brandon, Roy) and then traded them away.  This would be like trying to date the most attractive girl you can but the first night you go out together, you dump her for her alternative, nerdy, weird-looking friend.  Except Kevin McHale does this on a consistent basis.  And with McHale’s dating record, it is more comparable to those from the South getting busy with their cousins.

The Minnesota Timberwolves have been mismanaged, mis-scouted, and miserable for the better part of two decades.  It appears Mr. McHale has a life-time contract for blackmail items he has obtained along his tenure.  I cannot get mad at McHale for loving his job.  It would be superb to work 2 months a year, scout in your kitchen while watching the Final Four games and eating some sandwiches, and wear ugly sweaters.  But it is easy to predict what players and teams this franchise will select:

•    2008 – Kevin Love, 1st Round
o    National audience year round, Final Four appearance, much publicity
o    Also mentioned affinity for McHale, Bird, & Celtics growing up
o    Unclear if Love loves long armpit hair

•    2008 - Nikola Pekovic, 2nd Round
o    Commentators plainly said whoever had 1st pick in 2nd round would take

•    2007 – Corey Brewer, 1st Round (National Champion – Florida Gators)
o    Back-to-back national champ team, also from Midwest region

•    2007 – Chris Richard, 2nd Round (National Champion – Florida Gators)
o    Back-to-back national champ team, also from Midwest region

•    2006 – Randy Foye, 1st Round (in trade w/ Brandon Roy (Rookie of Year))
o    Played in Midwest Regional, hosted in Metrodome

•    2006 – Craig Smith, 2nd Round
o    Played in Midwest Regional, hosted in Metrodome

I would keep going, but it is too ridiculous.  McFail kind of sounds like one of those serial killers when asked why the killed a certain person and their insane response is “They just happened to be around me.”  Well, unfortunately it appears the same could be said for Minnesota’s drafting technique.  “They were just around me.”  That should maybe even be their marketing slogan moving forward.

One of the strangest things about this draft/trade is that the Twolves did not get fleeced, and it is actually not that bad.  Normally Minnesota sets up other franchises with easy routes for championships, and that does not appear to be the case.  I really love Conley and Mayo, but I do not see it happening any time soon.  The Timberwolves unleashed Marko the Magician (for his uncanny ability to trick Adriana Lima) and the cancer that is Antoine Walker.  In return, they got an excellent 3-point shooter, and a tall, white tweener who may or may have not been in Color Me Badd.

Alright, nevermind.  We want OJ!  We want OJ!  Derrick Rose may turn out to be great, but he’s got to learn to shoot.  Chicago also needs to unload some of those guards (how bout’ MN?).  The Beeze is probably crazy.  I envision at least one funny headline containing the following words:  The Beeze, a camel, Slovenia, one hand grenade, Destiny the dancer, and one riding lawnmower.

I truly believe Ovinton J’Anthony is the real deal.  He may have really despised coming to Minnesota to play, but anyone from West Virginia cannot have many rules about where they live.  That’s actually a firm rule I have in life.

Andrew Kraus Minnesota Timberwolves, NBA